47. Time flies

how long has it been,

18 years, aching me in,
grown rogue, time turned,
but I never see,
your truth, or you and me,
been too long hasn't it?
one by one all gone,

and no you are not to return,
seasons changed,
renditions of us,
never come, do they?

so I adrifted behind the carousel days,
stubbed the smoke out the ashtray,
left astray, as I stayed,
as I screamed,
risked esteem, till it extremed,

so tell me in a few years if it was all ever worth it.

I think I ate that chocolate you gave me, 

I still have it in my pocket,
brown as my locket wrapped around your neck,
melted slowly on mine as we drove through,
we got back together that night, but we didn't though.
and maybe we should stop talking at all, 

you shouldn’t be coming here,
as I said this with my throat choked on these words,
I'll be fine in few years,

finally wrecked these walls,
chosen family built on lies always downfalls,
and the time flies,

the worst thing I could do to you is not talk to you and the best thing for myself,
so what is ruined is already in the ruins,
the rest of the last of it, the all of it,
no matter how many days passed,
I counted them, the days started aching me in,
grown rogue, time turned,
but I never see,
your truth, or you and me