33. Love then, love now
starting with late replies, ignored messages and calls
probably you won't even read this long of a message, I know you so well,
you wanted to stay, like a little family, a little familiar,
stay like the friends we were before, a comfortable friend,
and everything would be perfectly a-okay,
but I just want to tell you that it hasn't been easy,
like how we don't understand each other anymore being so different,
crossing the lines, and somewhere you feel the same,
I am not the best version of myself but the greatest of my insecurities,
and you must probably hate me for being so weak.
So don't you walk away, fade and disappear,
I whine for you to make my thoughts more clear.
All the memories come flashing in my head,
I live another day with these eyes so clouded,
would you love me now as how you loved me then?
the distance keep getting distant, talks less frequent
every time the phone buzzed and it's not you
if not checking up on me, just say anything you knew
anything at all, don't fade away, shut yourself out
tell me how was your day, how were you yesterday and the day before that
you say don't make us one of your habits,
overthink and ruin
said you were not eighteen anymore,
got a job to go to, more bills to pay
you meant for me to care less and give you space
but I ain't trying to take your freedom away,
and now you take me all out of context,
confused between telling me everything and little of anything being honest.
remember the times of madness,
sneaking from the back doors of each other's balconies
doomed to fall, we made us fearless
serpentined around each other's arms, living in fantasies
were we wildly confused and excited
or extremely foolish and unwise
guess you already know the answer for it.
realized, we can never jeopardize
and then there was some peace of mind
thinking we are constants in each other's lives
but the thing about people is that they leave,
with their greed and the grind, you are left with broken memories
patiently staying awake,
playing games in twisted sheets,
middle of dirty laundry lied around
you know the clock was ticking time on our sides,
I kept my heartbeat in your life.
carefully whispering in each other's ears under the dim fairy lights, yet lost in mysteries.
Seems it was all a dream, a dream made of pieces and grits
you taught me how to love again, even if you think you are unable to heal and do it all over again
keep coming stronger, striking a hard wave.
you can't make a space into others lives no matter how hard you try
unless they don't want to try, unless they don't want you to stay.
So don't walk away like your purpose being fulfilled,
leaving me here all alone,
ignored and tortured,
I take all the blame babe,
would you love me now as how you loved me then?
every time the phone buzzed and it's not you
if not checking up on me, just say anything you knew
anything at all, don't fade away, shut yourself out
tell me how was your day, how were you yesterday and the day before that
you say don't make us one of your habits,
overthink and ruin
said you were not eighteen anymore,
got a job to go to, more bills to pay
you meant for me to care less and give you space
but I ain't trying to take your freedom away,
and now you take me all out of context,
confused between telling me everything and little of anything being honest.
remember the times of madness,
sneaking from the back doors of each other's balconies
doomed to fall, we made us fearless
serpentined around each other's arms, living in fantasies
were we wildly confused and excited
or extremely foolish and unwise
guess you already know the answer for it.
realized, we can never jeopardize
and then there was some peace of mind
thinking we are constants in each other's lives
but the thing about people is that they leave,
with their greed and the grind, you are left with broken memories
patiently staying awake,
playing games in twisted sheets,
middle of dirty laundry lied around
you know the clock was ticking time on our sides,
I kept my heartbeat in your life.
carefully whispering in each other's ears under the dim fairy lights, yet lost in mysteries.
Seems it was all a dream, a dream made of pieces and grits
you taught me how to love again, even if you think you are unable to heal and do it all over again
keep coming stronger, striking a hard wave.
you can't make a space into others lives no matter how hard you try
unless they don't want to try, unless they don't want you to stay.
So don't walk away like your purpose being fulfilled,
leaving me here all alone,
ignored and tortured,
I take all the blame babe,
would you love me now as how you loved me then?
probably you won't even read this long of a message, I know you so well,
you wanted to stay, like a little family, a little familiar,
stay like the friends we were before, a comfortable friend,
and everything would be perfectly a-okay,
but I just want to tell you that it hasn't been easy,
like how we don't understand each other anymore being so different,
crossing the lines, and somewhere you feel the same,
I am not the best version of myself but the greatest of my insecurities,
and you must probably hate me for being so weak.
So don't you walk away, fade and disappear,
I whine for you to make my thoughts more clear.
All the memories come flashing in my head,
I live another day with these eyes so clouded,
would you love me now as how you loved me then?